The Journal of Wear: My life in one suitcase
This is the second entry of our running monthly series The Journal of Wear, where we document our swappers’ stories and relationships with their wardrobes in a style reminiscent of the 2000s blogging era. In a time of hyper-editorial and polished fashion content, this series centres the humanity of the wearers, captures the nuance of their relationship with their clothing pieces, and highlights how everyday clothes are incorporated into their lives.
Rin walks into The Social Space at Marina One, dressed in all black, wheeling a metallic pink suitcase behind her. It is quite the impression. As both of us reach out to greet her, she is a flurry of apologies and explains that she got caught up this morning packing to meet us. “My whole wardrobe is just stacks of clothes around my bedroom, that’s why I can’t invite you guys over!”
Noorindah, or Rin, as she tells us to call her — “only teachers call me Noorindah!” — is the founder and writer of Shy and Curious, a safe platform for all things sex, relationships and bodies, and a marketing manager at Blitzwerkz. Blitzwerks runs Horny.sg and PinkLifestyle, where Rin aptly describes her job as a toy sommelier. “So basically, I sell sex toys,” she explains.
She is wearing a sheer black blouse and a fitted black pencil skirt, with black leather boots to match. Her cat eye black glasses frame her face, businesslike but playful. Gold jewelry glints in her earlobes and hands – a 3-part gold serpent earring coils around her right earlobe. She shares that she’ll be heading to Isetan for work after the interview. “I need to dress the part!” She giggles coyly and shimmies her black see-through top, subtly sensual yet powerful combined with the sleek skirt and boots.
Seated opposite us, Rin is dressed in her work “uniform”
When we had initially reached out for the interview, we wanted to stop by Rin’s house and photograph her wardrobe. She explained that she was in the midst of packing and organising her wardrobe and would prefer to meet outside instead – “I’ll bring my wardrobe along, no worries about it!” I was expecting maybe two or three pieces, but now, glancing at the large pink suitcase behind her, I realised she really meant it.
The contents of Rin’s wardrobe, now in a suitcase
“Sooooo. Where do we start?” Rin’s eyes sparkle as she sips her coffee.
As we always do, we start with the basics. We ask her about what she is wearing. The kind of dresser she is.
Rin begins by telling us about herself as a twelve-year-old girl.
“When I was 12 years old, I saw my first ever fashion show on TV. It was Tom Ford for Gucci. That blew my mind. It was the 1995/96 Fall Collection where he sent everyone out in silk tops, velvet suits… That really impacts how I [dress] and [look].”
In some ways, that Tom Ford for Gucci show was Rin’s awakening into the fashion world. She tells us how she dreamt of meeting him one day. After her time in Junior College, she did Art in Kuala Lumpur, before moving to New York to pursue Design Management at Parsons School of Design, and later on, spent X years working at various PR jobs in the City. “I did end up working for Tom Ford, by the way, but more on that later!” she gushes. It is evident that her time in New York had shaped her.
“So, in terms of dressing, I have uniforms. I am quite a tomboy. My uniform is usually skinny jeans and a mens shirt. I call it the “New York uniform”. I am always in flats, I hate heels. These are my favourite ankle boots – got them in Paris – they are knock-off Hermes. They are so comfortable and real leather.
“Oh, I love textures. I love leather, satin, silk, velvet, fuzzy kinds of sweaters. I guess it’s all about sensuality. Colours wise, I am actually super plain. It might be a New York kind of thing. If it is not black, it is grey. If it’s not grey, it is navy. [But] I also love jewel tones: I love gold – black and gold is my signature. … I love olive green and emerald green. Those are my pops-of-colours.”
Rin’s accessories are mostly black and gold, with the exception of her childhood Casio watch, of which she speaks fondly
“My need-to-impress (uniform) is a pencil skirt with a nice top, and a nice jacket. But jackets are terrible for this weather.”
We talked a little bit more about New York. “When I moved to New York and did my very first internship, I remember my supervisor took one look at me and said “you better toughen up or New York will eat you up.”” Rin chuckles.
This sets me and Xingyun off in awestruck laughter, and Xingyun replies that it sounds like a line out of a movie scene.
“Yeah, she could tell that I was not a New Yorker. Not just from my accent, but from the way I dressed. When my supervisor told me to toughen up, my clothes became my amour.”
Clothes as protective armour, as a way of building up one’s identity, or rather, one’s desired identity. “So yes, for me, fashion too, is the quickest way of saying “don’t mess with me”, but also, “don’t mess with me as I am trying to figure out who I am”.
Rin laughs as she says, “I want to be like the Singaporean version of a goth chick, but I can’t really be a goth because I like smiling too much.”
“So yes, for me, fashion too, is the quickest way of saying “don’t mess with me”, but also, “don’t mess with me as I am trying to figure out who I am”.
Rin is pictured in a black dress with a friend on a Polaroid film photo.
Indeed, despite Rin’s tough and bold exterior and all black ensemble, her gentle voice and bright laughter warms us immediately. She doesn’t hold back on sharing about her time in New York – being the oldest in a shared dorm, a crazy ex-boyfriend, running from show to show, being broke, working for wild bosses, working for brilliant bosses, crying when meeting the Beckhams for the first time…
Rin behind the scenes at a show in New York, courtesy of Rin
Listening to Rin’s stories as a young twenty-something, trying to figure out career, identity, love and friendships all on her own in a new city, and seeing her now calmly sitting across the table from us, it strikes me that she now has grown into that person she was trying to become, all those years ago. The person who, maybe doesn’t have it all figured out, but exudes confidence and assuredness, someone who is powerful not just because of how much they have achieved (and Rin has indeed achieved quite a bit!) but also for how much they have come to know themselves.
As two younger people trying to navigate the world ourselves, it is comforting to see someone further along the journey of embracing themselves, and through clothing, too.
“Now, it’s no longer an armour, because it is who I am.”
But Rin didn’t just grow into her clothes, she let them grow into her too. The leather jacket, the sleek black boots, aren’t just symbolically powerful clothes, they are powerful now because she wears them, because of her own experiences, history, and stories. They are Rin as much as she is them.
We decide it’s time to open the suitcase.
As she slowly unzips it, she laughs and muses that everything inside is mostly black. Yet, there is something powerful and bold about Rin’s wardrobe – the textures, the sturdy leather pieces, the metal finishes on her purses, even the way several of her pieces drape and swarthe. We spot the jewel tones – the deep olives, a warm amber orange.
A close-up of Rin’s clothes sitting in the suitcase
Even at her insistence that she is a simple, fuss-free dresser, there is something deeply meaningful and intimate about the way Rin relates to her clothes. A leather jacket from a brand owned by a good friend who worked with her in New York, one that made her feel like a boss lady. “Also, I had a crush on the guy!” The soft, knitted pink cardigan that she wore throughout her mother’s final days in the hospital. A silky, amber orange dress that made her feel sexy, but whose cutting reminded her of the comfortable “butterfly dress” she would wear around the house.
Rin is holding up a pink knitted cardigan, which she describes as the piece of clothing she wore throughout her mother’s final days in the hospital
There was duality in every piece – a punky, structured leather jacket that made her feel powerful, but reminded her of her younger, doe-eyed self in New York. A comfortable cardigan that brought her some refuge amidst the pain of losing a loved one. The sexiest party dress that still pays homage to home and comfort in some way. Every piece almost seems like an extension of herself.
Rin’s mother plays a big part in the various pieces of her suitcase – the story of Rin’s wardrobe, and her life.
“So I left Fashion around 2018. My last job was with a Japanese boutique. Wasn’t the easiest to work at. I was surrounded by beautiful clothes but I think I got tired of the industry. I was burnt out… I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.
Then my mum passed away. It was pretty shocking. We didn’t know she was sick. She was hiding that she had breast cancer. So she went to the hospital, and four days later she was gone. That was a huge shock to us. At that point in time, I took a full year off. I just tried to think about what I want to do. I was just trying to [go] through the motions of life.”
She passed in October 2019, and a few months later, Covid hit. Her anniversary was approaching soon. So what I really wanted to do was – she had passed away because she was too embarrassed to talk about the tumour in her boob – I never want anyone to feel that alone or that ashamed to talk about anything – so I wanted to host a circle of women where we come [together] and just chit chat. But, there was Covid… And I didn’t want to just let her anniversary go to waste like that.
What else could I do? I love to write, I love to talk, and I really love sex. And that was the other thing too. One thing I couldn’t wrap my brain around was that my mum was too embarrassed to talk about her tumour, but she and I would share dirty jokes, she would always ask me when I came home from a date: how’s the baguette?”
That’s when Rin started Shy and Curious, a place where she could speak freely about sex, and support women who wanted to learn and embrace their sexuality.
A screenshot taken off of @shyandcurious_com introduces the inspiration behind the platform’s launch: Juraidah, Rin’s late mother
“Obviously, initially I got disowned for having pre-marital sex…. But after a while, we just realised that we are two women. I got my dirty sense of humour through her, and I guess she was living vicariously through me. I think she always had this side to her, but society here’s like: she had to be this good Muslim housewife. I really miss that. I miss bantering with her. That’s why I had the blog (link) too. I imagine that is my way of still keeping my conversations with her.”
Would she be willing to share some photos of her mother? I asked tentatively.
Rin’s eyes light up. “Of course, of course!” she pulls out her phone excitedly. “You have no idea… ”
She begins sharing the story of a small, black leather bag in her case.
Rin carrying said leather bag
“So this is a vintage Coach bag. When I was in New York I would go thrift shopping every weekend. It was my first time at the Chelsea open market, and this was fifteen dollars or something. I bought it because it was cute and easy, and so practical, right?
And so here’s the funny story – which is why I am so glad this is one of the babies I managed to bring home — when my mom passed, we were looking for pictures of her, and when I saw this, I was like, what the heck?!”
There it was, Rin’s mom, with fabulous black hair, a white shift dress, and a black shoulder bag almost identical to the one that Rin was holding in her hands.
Old photograph of Juraidah with the matching black bag, courtesy of Rin
We inhaled, and paused. Rin continues, “When I see photos like this of my mom, I remember how she was just Ju, before she became mom. Back then, I loved my mom, but I really didn’t know her before she was Mum.”
As we continue to sift through Rin’s portable wardrobe, and flip through photos of her mother on her phone, it is uncanny to see the way both women’s styles seemed to merge. We see Ju in a sheer black mesh top over a fitted black dress (pictured in Instagram image above) – not unsimilar to the exact style Rin was in as we interviewed her – and various photos of her in baggy, button-up shirts around the house.
We point this out to Rin. She looks surprised, and laughs, “I think I actually stole that style from her!”
Old photograph of Juraidah with her two children, courtesy of Rin
We muse over this intimate connection Rin and her mother have, in their style, in their clothes. Something so intangible made real in the photographs and clothing right before us.
Of course, Rin shares, they didn’t always have a peaceful relationship. She holds up one of her bags, and tells us, “My mom scolded me for the way I used to carry this bag. I love my mom, but the thing is, she loved to play small. Part of her hiding her cancer was also her way of shrinking, not wanting to impose. […] There will be times where she will tell me to cover up, wear the jacket, whatever. So she was very much about this – not looking bigger than you are. So with the bag, it’s like, don’t walk around like you have money!”
Even as she says this, Rin’s love for her mom, and her desire to remember and honour her through her work and what she does, is evident. It shines through even as this conversation shifts between Rin’s wardrobe and her life – her relationship with her mother becomes, subtly, the biggest and most beautiful part of the picture.
As we wrap up the interview, Rin quips, “[My mom and I] had the funniest relationship. It’s easier looking back in hindsight, but back then it was like ughhhh. The only advice I would give for mom stuff is to realise that they are just like us, trying to figure out life too, but older. I used to think, She’s my mom, she has her shit together. Now, I am at the age where she had three kids, trying to figure out life, and I’m like I can’t even do that now, by myself. We’re really all just making it up as we go along.”
As Rin folds her clothes, piece by piece, back into her suitcase, I see how it's often through our clothes, our wardrobes, that we do just that – making it up as we go along. We make ourselves up, as we go along, we adopt new identities, we protect and reveal ourselves, we build who we want to become. And it’s an endless, beautiful process of becoming, and our wardrobe is there to document it all. “It is no longer just armour. It is who I am.”
About The Journal of Wear
The Journal of Wear features narrative-style writing, where we capture the wearer’s unique voice and story from their perspective and ours. Instead of a simple Q & A format, we hope to craft a narrative that depicts us entering the wearer’s wardrobe/closet/bedroom space, how we got to know about the wearer’s story of their chosen item of clothing, and how each of us felt within the experience of conversing about our clothes.
The Journal of Wear is the labour of love of Esther Koh and Xingyun Shen who first bonded over how clothing can affect and shape its wearer in an intimate way. It is an extension of The Fashion Pulpit’s existing video series: SWAP STORIES. This article is written by Esther and edited by Xingyun. All photos in this entry are given to us by Noorindah and captured by us with a DSLR camera and a iPhone X.